Happy 1st Birthday Baby Ella

One year ago to this moment, I was laying in my hospital bed relieved, exhausted, excited and elated to be holding and laying next to Ella Baxley Monk. Stephen eventually drifted off to sleep in the uncomfortable chair/ bed across the room. (I say across with the room with some sarcasm - the room was so small, he feet touched my bed when he layed the chair down) I layed on the bed on my side, my head propped on my hand as I stared at this itty bitty baby girl - dark skin, black hair and blue eyes sleeping beside me. I couldn't believe she was ours. I couldn't believe she had arrived. I couldn't believe she had been in my body and was now laying beside me. Now I can't believe that I ever had a time in my life when I didn't know her. I remember wondering when I was pregnant what she would be like. Now I am amazed at this remembrance... I can't fathom not having her in my life. I stayed awake all night long. Staring. All night. She wasn't fussy. She wasn't crying. She was just laying there, all bundled up, purple hat from the hospital on her head full of hair, sighing and sleeping. I couldn't believe she was ours.

Today, we celebrated her first birthday. She was precious as usual. Unfortunately she was not quite her usual self... ear infections in both ears caused her to be a little bit clingy, but overall, was happy and sweet as usual. She was curious about her cake. She did not dig right in, but put one finger on it, pulled it back and stared. She was serious and studied this new thing in front of her. This is typical of how to reacts to new situations or people. She ate a few bites of cake and then started pointing.... banana. She wanted her banana left over from her lunch. I won't complain. It could be worse.

I left as my WONDERFUL family (Mom, Brenda, Allison, Dad, Nina, Dan and Stephen) stayed behind to clean up. Ella was tired and in need of a nap. The tylenol set in as we came in the house and she perked up a little. She was able to open a few gifts and play for a little bit as I cleaned up as family arrived with the stuff. After everyone left I decided that I was ready for a nap even if she didn't think she was. I put her on my bed with her "kitty cat" stuffed animal that she loves dearly. She played, crawled around, layed down on me and was restless for a few minutes. Then she leaned against me and settled in. I sang a few lullabys to her and within a matter of minutes she literally fell over, her head landing on my pillow. Both of her hands were gripping my right arm as she curled up and drifted off. I allowed myself to ignore the dishes in the kitchen for the next few hours and enjoy my time holding my baby girl. I layed there and listened to her breath as she sighed. This time instead of a hospital hat, bundled in a blanket I held a one year old dressed in a smocked dress from GG and a matching red bow holding back her long light brown hair out of her beautiful face. I slept some but mostly stared. Stared at her in wonder at where the last year has gone.

Overall a fun, special day. I will sleep tonight without her in my bed. I will not stare at her all night long but will rest so that tomorrow Iwill be rested enough to continue making memories together as a family of times we spend together loving her and watching her grow. Happy Birthday Baby Ella. I love you! (pictures later after I have a chance to download them...)